Who do you call?

Have you ever scrolled through your contacts list and tried to figure out who to call? It could be for any reason, but mainly just wanting to talk to someone - to hear someone else on the other end. Sometimes I have those days where I just want to hear from somebody.

It's funny that I have over 200 contacts listed, but I'll scroll through the list several times. Usually I can't decide and I end up calling no one. The problem is that I overthink it. Perhaps you've done this as well. You look at their name and think so-and-so won't want to hear from me. They probably will wonder why I'm calling or they'll think something is wrong, because I usually don't call them.

Or my mind will say, don't bother them. They have a lot on their plate. They're probably stressed or working on something. It's not worth it to take up their time.

These are the sort of self-defeating thoughts that come into my mind when I just want to talk to someone. And it is so difficult to work up the courage to hit that call button.

What if they don't answer?

Sometimes, I just leave a message so that they don't think there is anything wrong or just to explain why I called them out of the blue. It's usually an awkward message too.

One of those, "Hey! I know it has been a while and this is completely random. Just wanted to check in and see how you're doing, but you know, well I suppose you don't - anyway, goodbye. I mean, nevermind...bye!"

Then I cringe for several minutes wishing that I could delete that message. Since it seems to be a pattern with me, you would think that I'd come up with a way to break it. Unfortunately, my awkwardness has not left me and I am probably doomed to leave many more strange messages on  voicemails.

On the other hand, those times when I do call can often help me reconnect with people that I haven't heard from in a while. Usually I find myself scrolling through my contacts, because I need someone to talk to me and I need someone to listen. Those are the rough days when everything happens and you just feel like nothing is going right.

So, I look for someone to talk to. However, I'm faced with that gnawing fear that I'm not worth the time of the person on the other end. Some of my characters have those relationship issues. In Island Whispers, Adam lives in isolation so that meeting Monica makes his world brighter and makes him feel better. For the first time, he gets to speak with someone unaware of his power - someone that sees him for who he is and wants to talk to him. He can't speak to his family because of the tragedy with his mother and the whole of mer-society is afraid of him. He doesn't have face-to-face connections and it hurts him.

In our world, we have so many different technologies to communicate with others across distances, but we're lacking in those face-to-face connections too. There is a reason that many people feel lonely and perhaps there are small ways in which we can fix that. Small ways like figuring out who is on our call list. It might be worth it to ask yourself, who do I trust and who can I call when I just need to talk?

Offer your time to others as well! If there are people that you really care about, let them know that you will always be willing to hear them and that you'll pick up or call them back. Don't assume that they know. It's good to have that reminder that someone cares and supports you. If we all do our part to strengthen our connections, maybe everyone won't feel so alone.