Different Types of Love: The Love Triangle

My apologies for such a late post. It has been quite a busy day. I had my last class of the quarter and took an exam that had been consuming my thoughts for the past week. After much cramming and muttering to myself, I managed to pull a passing score and that is enough for this quarter.

I'm not sure if I've stated this directly on my blog, but I'm in a counseling psychology program. I mention it because I often bring in psychological theories in these posts and if you're wondering why I have such a fascination, there's your answer. I have passionately studied psychology since high school when it was first introduced to me and now I want to learn what I can to help others. Along the way, I find out interesting facts and theories that I like to connect to writing.

In the last few hours of this day December 10, (at least on the West Coast), I bring you:

Sternberg's Triangular Theory of Love

Sternberg's Triangle - drawn by me

I'd come across it before, but this time I decided to consider each aspect and connect it to relationships I've observed in books. Feel free to comment and tell me about relationships you've read about and which part of the triangle applies!

First off, each point of the triangle represents a singular concept of love, whether its passion, intimacy, or commitment; these three are necessary components and reoccurring themes in relationships. Intimacy, of course, is the feeling of connectedness and the fuzzy warmth of a relationship where you can share things and feel accepted. Passion is that strong physical attraction that makes people do heroic and stupid things (judgement on which is up for debate). Commitment means stability, in the sense that this person will stay by your side through thick and thin.

Then you have the combinations.

Passion + Intimacy = Romantic Love
Fire and closeness, the possibility of getting burned - romantic love is usually the first stage of relationships and can create that "spark" of connection.

Intimacy + Commitment = Companionate Love
Closeness and loyalty can be a good combination for friendship. The trust from companionate love builds a strong foundation and can stick around for many years.

Passion + Commitment = Fatuous Love
A steady fire is to be appreciated, but you can still be burned. Without intimacy, this relationship may be fraught with intense encounters, but there isn't enough trust and disclosure to allow emotions to peek through.

Lastly, a combination of Passion, Intimacy and Commitments = Consummate Love
All three meshed together create a thriving relationship where one is dedicated to loving and disclosing to their partner. It's a winning combination and the kind of thing great romances are based on, but is it achievable?

Next, I'm going to give some examples of the different loves, starting with Island Whispers!

Alright, so I've decided to elaborate on three different relationships in Island Whispers. I'll explain which love is between them from the triangle and why I think that is so.

Monica - Adam (Admon? Monadam? What ship name would you create for these two?)
Monica and Adam begin with intimacy. They meet. They get to know each other and trust begins to form. I see their relationship as a slow blooming flower. In its infancy, they are still learning about each other. Next, they become committed to each other as they begin to explore the island. Their friendship is growing along with something else. That something else is just a small flicker of passion, but it grows with strength throughout the novel. I don't think they reach the full potency of consummate love, but their relationship definitely gets the closest.

Angelica - Grant (I'm not going to even try to give them a ship)
Angelica and Grant begin with different types of love for each other. While Adam and Monica seemed to be on the same page from one type of love to another, Grant has passion for Angelica and Angelica is just committed to Grant. While Grant pines a bit for his angel in the sky, she's not really thinking about him and when she does, she thinks with concern and caring. She wants to help, but she's not really thinking about romantic love. Their intimacy certainly grows throughout the novel. They begin to trust each other, but they keep secrets from each other too, so they never really reach any other points on the triangle. Grant may forever be doomed to the friendzone.

Angelica - Keith
The only rapidly developing relationship in the novel - most likely because of its dominating love type. Passion is pretty evident from the start on both sides and as they meet with each other more, it only grows. Angelica and Keith are the perfect "high school king and queen" with the image of a good combination. Their commitment to each other becomes clear as Angelica begins to take more opportunities to visit Keith and he does things to help her. However, the intimacy is lacking. While they share things with each other, Angelica knows that Keith is holding things back and that lack of sharing creates some trust issues. How much does she really know about him anyway? So while Angelica and Keith achieve fatuous love, they're not near the next level of consummate.



I was going to expand and choose a few of my favorite books to explore the relationships in them I was thinking Cassandra Clare's Infernal Devices series, Fire, maybe Percy Jackson or Ally Carter's spy series the Gallagher Academy, but it's almost midnight and I really don't want to be burning the midnight oil. Perhaps those will have to wait for another post. In the mean time, if you've got examples of different love-relationships, comment and explain below. I'd love to hear from you!