Fighting to the Finish

I have a special emotional-stress reliever technique that is a tried and true remedy for me when I'm feeling very low. How low? You might ask. Somewhere between back-breaking limbo stick low and crawling under miles of barbed wire.

So, when I get to that particular state, I run. Simple as that, or not so simple, sometimes painful or not particularly delightful. The rain actually helps too. Wet and cold, the perfect combination to snap you out of the low zone. A funny thing about runners is that there is this hidden dialogue that happens when they come across each other. Sometimes people may say something, but usually it's just a nod, (and maybe, a smile), this means: I see you. Look what we're both doing, aren't we great. I understand your pain or 'yeah, we're both a bit nuts, but it's okay, we decided to do this'. There is a lot going on in that gesture. A lot wrapped up in one and yet it forms this bond, for one moment, you feel as if someone understands you.

Now, when it comes to running in the rain, I'll admit, very (very) few people actually do that, so I don't usually get to have my 'nod conversation' but I do get a good release. Every thought except 'Ah, it's so cold, and my chest is burning' leaves your head, so it clears it all out. You're left with nothing, but your inner self trying to support and undermine you at the same time.

Let's be real, or I'll be honest - I am not a competitive runner, I'm recreational - so when I say run, I'm not talking about ten miles and sprints around the track, I'm talking maybe a twenty minute easy pace jaunt around the lake and back.

So, when I'm running, there is a part that is saying 'you're doing great, kid. Good work, you're taking care of your health' and then there is that other part saying, 'go ahead and stop. You did enough. It's alright and wouldn't it be easier just to walk up this hill'. I'm fighting an internal battle here, but usually the encouraging side wins out for at least ten minutes, then the other part kicks in and it becomes an uphill battle (sometimes literally).

It works though, I'm tired, exhausted, sometimes shaking, but my head clears, I'm all out of emotions and a weight lifts itself. Then, I indulge with a hot shower.

It's not all sunshine and rainbows, but I'll be honest, I think most people are aware of that fact. The sky will be cloudy. It will rain like there is no tomorrow and you're going to step in a puddle and then want to yell at the sky for how unfair it all is. Just keep...swimming, or jumping, spinning, twirling, leaping, walking, running, skipping, dancing, whatever it is you need to do. Just keep moving. Keep being alive.