My Literary Guardian

So this is a bit of old news from December 17th 2019, but it reads well so I've decided to share.

I keep a journal. I don't consistently write in it, but when I feel like it or when I'm bored I'll write something. This particular journal lasted exactly a year. From May of 2019 to May 2020, and boy do things changes in just a short amount of time.

So here is that entry with a few edits:

"Earlier today I felt a surge of anger and hopelessness. I'd just come back from meeting with my advisor about practicum and I felt ill-prepared, unworthy, useless -- take your pick, but I wasn't feeling good and there I was sliding in mud trying to get home.

I had decided to walk to campus and since it had been a wet few days, every trail had a mud pit that could send the unwary into the earth. It's fun at first, but then it's annoying. Your feet go all over. The mud is just waiting to cover you and well, it's just another hassle.

My mood went from a dull evening to a stormy night.

Then I thought of Ruana.

My thoughts had turned to hopelessness so I called on my strong character to save me from myself. Ruana has horrible self-esteem but she does believe that her life is worth something. She would say, "Well, maybe, I didn't make a difference in someone else's life. Maybe, I didn't have some greater purpose. But even if Cossu (the god of the dead) himself came to claim me for the dead. I would not go until I chose to."

Her free will and desire to live is strong. She will not be imposed upon. She will be the guardian of her own fate and those that cross her must beware her wrath. (Very dramatic stuff here).

Ruana doesn't fool herself into thinking she is a kind or even good person. She's hostile and slow to trust, but she is steadfast and unwavering to those she cares about. I think her conviction grounds me. She has little self-pity. The facts of her life stand as they are and she will come out on top.

In a world where everyone is fighting to survive and cruel people seek to conquer, she is forged in shifting sands -- adaptable, relentless and never what she's not.

The desert does not pretend to be a safe place or try to pacify those who enter it. It is a strict force of nature that states, "I am wild abandon. Live or die. I do not care. You are but another speck of dust. I will show you no mercy, no reprieve. I do not regret what I am or wish to change myself. Enter with courage or not at all. Your fate is your own to master."

Which seems eloquent for a geographical biome with varying characteristics across continents. Still it rings true. The desert will suffer no weakling, will spare no one who does not fight to live.

Ruana knows this. She lives by it, and she reminds herself that she is a desert girl and tougher than she looks.

I don't think I could have asked for a better protagonist. She is not perfect, but I don't want her to be. I love her, imperfections and all, she is an inner strength I can rely on.

"One foot in front of the other," she would grumble as I did walking on those slippery trails. "Eventually you'll end up somewhere."

And I did."

Ruana is the MC (main character) from my current work-in-progress. I think I've mentioned her before but just in case you read this and then wonder if you're missing something - you are and I just haven't gotten around to sharing much about it yet. My apologies. If things go as planned, Ruana will make her debut into the world soon.

Something Fun

Life itself has been stressful lately so I thought I would post something fun and something from my past.

All great writers start as children! The things they play with, the stories they make-up are all building blocks for later.

A child's inquisitiveness and imagination is one of the most wonderful things out there. It can save nations.

When I was a child, I loved dogs. I wanted a dog too. Things didn't work out for my household to actually own a dog, but I had plenty of dogs that I adopted for a time. Our next door neighbor had a golden retriever mix and she was ours in a sense. She knew when we got home from school and she would follow us around and listen to us. She also had the softest fur and the wettest kisses. She was perfect.

At home, I had my own collection of stuffed animal dogs, but none were as portable and as beloved as this one.

This is Snuffles also known as Charles Dickens. Yes, he had a secret identity. He was a daring detective with the perfect nose to sniff out crime and solve cases. Note the hat which represents him adopting his detective persona. The detective persona was Charles Dickens, obviously. A name like Dickens combined with Charles...it practically screams stakeouts and revealing critical information in a timely manner. Snuffles could easily fit in my hand and so he was perfect for going places. He fit inside purses, found that cup holders made great seats and was just a lovable companion.

This dog went on many missions before he retired and he is still as soft as ever. What kind of toys did you play with as a child? Were any of them part of a larger story?

The Thing About Experiences

I have this document full of experiences: wasp stings, my first kiss, illnesses and injuries in equal measure, electric shocks, drowning, and hysterical laughter. They're all the times that I felt something and was conscious enough to then write about it. It's my "reference document" so that when I need to pull in the realness of a situation, I can.

Sometimes I forget. But this is also my way to compartmentalize and think through the things that hurt, so it's a useful tool. Each experience has its label and then there are moment by moment descriptions. I'm not trying for elegance. I'm just trying to capture what it's like for real. Of course, these are just my own subjective experiences. Everyone experiences things differently, but this just reminds me that I'm human.

This is just a small segment of my list. If you're wondering why most of them are painful experiences, it's just because I'm less attentive to the happy ones. For the most part, the experiences are in chronological order of when they happened. I've got no clue as to the exact dates, but I just let the list grow. Every new entry is added to the bottom.

Have you experienced any of these things? Did they feel different to you or do these descriptions remind you of your own experience?

Also, just as a little ending note, I am not accident prone, nor do I get injured a lot. These happened over the course of several years. I just tend to keep track of all my negatives.

The Missing Piece (That Does or Does Not Belong)

One of the wonderful (and trying) things about being a writer is that a story is wholly yours. From the moment you put words on a page to the imaginings of your brain and the typing of that very last word, you've created something and it's yours to do what you will. Every detail and sentence is crafted by you and yours is the imagination running the show.

Then you edit and those details are tightened up; things are smoothed out, linked together and hopefully coherent. Then you edit again and everything is made more pristine and closer to your vision. Perhaps you've told people about your story, run the idea past them, or even shared a sample. Maybe you've shared the whole thing. Either way, something happens that changes your perspective. The scenes and dialogue that lined up before are now incongruous. Some of it's irrelevant and you come to the realization that your perfect piece has flaws.

At this point you might feel less motivated and dejected that something so sparkling could become so dull. It's a rude awakening, like a siren that cuts through the early morning quiet at 3AM. So you wake up. What do you do?

You reimagine. You rework. You create something new again, but not completely. It's a snip there, patch it up. A snip over there and patch it up. The story becomes tailored again to fit snugly around its skeleton and maybe you're feeling a little proud (and exhausted) as things come together.

Then you come to another part and you've thought that all major changes have been made, but this isn't fitting right. So you imagine, come up with something else, you go to patch it in and realize, well...it doesn't fit. Shoot. You read over it and read it again. You think if I just change that sentence, or maybe I'll just cut that, but then...

It just won't fit. There is no simple way to patch it in. You're going to have to restructure everything.
Well, shoot.

I'm wracking my brain right now, but this is the point I'm at. I want this new detail to go in, but it's not fitting and I've been turning it every which way. This can be one of the most frustrating parts about writing. Everyone loves a good story. We want our work to be good, but there are imperfections. And I'm a perfectionist, which means you know these changes are going to happen, but I'm dragging my feet.

I wanted to believe that I had already added the necessary elements, then I get hit with this. I am complaining a bit, because it feels unfair. But as I learned from a tender age (from the mouth of my kindergarten teacher), "life's not fair" and to complete that statement: "and the sooner she learns that the better off she'll be." Well, Ms. Mary, this is unfair, but I'm going to do something about it.

I am going to decide whether I want this or not and if I do, then I'm going to be creating a Draft 4 and integrating this in, even if I have to tear up a ton of great things in the process.

Tell me about a time in your life when you came to a realization that something wasn't working and it just felt unfair. I would love to hear your stories and how you acted when confronting it.

All the Way or Not at All?

A few weeks ago, I focused on shooting for dreams and I'm going to continue that theme with a focus on this quote: "If you're not going to go all the way, why go at all?" A bit darker and more ultimatum-y but that's the point. Dreams are hard to hold onto and they can change. Maybe we set our expectations lower. Maybe we learn that's not what we really wanted after all.

The key factor is You. What will you do?

In case it's hard to read the small cursive print.
This page of a coloring book says,
"Everybody wants happiness,
nobody wants pain,
but you can't have a rainbow
without a little rain."

Sorry, couldn't help myself.

But to expand on this quote of going all the way, I see it as this: Put effort into what you love and what you want. Half-hearted attempts are going to demoralize you. There are so many paths for us to walk on, but you can't take all of them or else you'll never get anywhere.

I've seen this happen with many people in my life. It happens to me. There are these opportunities and passions that we pour ourselves into and then we turn around and say we didn't really want that anyway. Why did we turn around?

I think there are two reasons:

1. An obstacle pops up
2. We realize what we really want

Before We Shoot for the Moon

"Shoot for the moon, even if you miss, you'll land among the stars."
- Norman Vincent Peale or Leslie Brown
(Quotes can be so tricky as to their origin)

Painting of a city in a hillside where the glow of the city cannot
completely obstruct the stars, yet it's trapped in its own little
bubble.

Are you familiar with this quote? I think the first time I heard it was at a girl scout or girls on the run event. I think it featured on a t-shirt. Sadly, I do not have that t-shirt. 

I love this quote. I really do and yet I'm seeing it in a new way now. What if your trajectory is off or you don't have enough lift? I know I'm taking this metaphor a bit literal, but consider the preparation that goes into the shooting. You can't just shoot into the dark and hope for it to land, you've got to put in the work. So back to that idea of being off and you hit the ground or you don't even get off the ground, it can be disheartening. You can be stalled before you even make the attempt. 

I know it happens to me and I'm sure others have experienced this. You have such big dreams and hopes, then you step up to the launch pad and realize that it's a much greater distance than you imagine. This can mean that there are many more obstacles or much more time and effort that needs to be put forth than you originally thought. It could be many things. If you think about, you could probably come up with an example in your own life where the mountain rose up to block the moon.

As adults we experience this often, as children we don't.

(At least, that is my proposed theory)

When I wrote Island Whispers, I was just flinging whatever I could, jumping at any opportunity without any regard for process or whether it would be impossible to hit the moon. I just saw it as a challenge that I wanted to overcome and if I was persistent enough, I would overcome it. I wanted to become published and I knew there were obstacles but I saw them as springboards. Sure, there was a mountain in my way, but, if I got to the peak, I would have a better place to launch to the moon. It only brought me closer.

Childhood is funny that way. Sometimes we're so focused on the big picture that we forget about all the snags and disappointments along the way. It's not a bad thing. In fact, it might actually be the key for reaching those childhood dreams. If we lose hope, it becomes impossible to achieve things. Our inner critic demeans every attempt and we become too heartless to care. 

So, I guess what I'm trying to say is don't lose hope. Hold onto those dreams. See those mountains, but don't give up. Keep going, because you don't know what you can achieve if you don't.

Ode to Stars

I think this was the first thing I ever published. My friend was the president of the literary magazine at our high school and somehow this poem got in (I think it might have had a little help).

Anyway, enjoy the beginning of my career and a poem that I still love to read. My favorite part is the rhyme, of course.

The Cotton Anniversary

Apparently, the traditional anniversary gift for the second anniversary is cotton. I really don't have anything cottony, but I did make the small quilt featured in the picture below. It might be made of cotton. We're closing in on my anniversary so I'm reflecting on what's happened since the publication.

January 31, 2018 - Island Whispers became available.

The past two years I have grown as a writer and figured out what I want from writing. It was a long journey to get to this point, but I'm glad for every turn along the way.

Island Whispers is a book about friendship and magic. The two things I craved most in the world at that age. Time is a great fixer of many things, but Will is just as important to get things moving. The thing about Will is that it needs some inkling of Hope. The greatest thing Island Whispers can leave you with is Hope.

Hope for the future is a wonderful thing. It can spur people to action and banish doubt from their hearts. When life is hopeless, we need a light to show us the way. 

Sometimes that light is as simple as a story.

With gratitude and love, thank you to those who have supported me on this journey and to those who have been my light in the darkness.

Progress Update

Dear Reader of the Internet

I think I might have done one of these before, but I don't really tell y'all about my upcoming WIP (works in progress) and my plans. I think I briefly informed my writing bubble about Nanowrimo last summer and the faerie story I had worked on. There probably have been brief mentions of another project, perhaps the name "The Broken Bounty" will sound familiar to some.

My writing life has currently been absorbed by the world of the Broken Bounty. It has been my only WIP for the past few months and the only open document in my tool bar. I haven't dreamed about any other story or tried to plot anything else. Mostly this is because The Broken Bounty is nearly 4 years old and I want it to bring it into the world sooner than I brought Island Whispers (which took 6 years). We'll see if that's a possibility, but maybe you can infer from this update.

The Broken Bounty stands at 112,023 words. That includes the cover page and all of the chapter headings. We're still looking at over a hundred thousand words. I doubt that it will change much from that length. Most everything seems necessary or can be reasonably argued for its worth.

These words are split into 34 chapters and it is 380 pages in length. This is, of course, double-spaced. It has been rewritten more times than I can keep track of. But for the sake of some, I started doing "drafts" which sometimes seems silly to separate, and we're currently on Draft 3. Mind you, this is draft 3 of the draft that actually seemed likely for publication.

The original document for this book was a novella length story and contained only the skeleton of what it is now. This story has gone through multiple tweaks and it has actually had multiple readers. It has been beta read by Tori (a writer I met at State) and then the English Club (a group of writers I met at State) and even an unknown beta reader (who I do not know and will probably never know the identity of). I've sparsely discussed it among friends and hinted at it among those asking about my writing, but I've never really declared it. Now that time is coming.

I want to introduce The Broken Bounty to the world. To do that I plan on appealing to big publishers. I've already created a list: McElderberry Books, Scholastic Press, Magic Carpet Books Harcourt Inc., Viking, Firebird Fantasy, Random House, and Harper Collins. These are the names I pulled from the spines of some of my favorite books, and also books that are quite popular among others. Chances are slim, but I want to see if I can do this and I want to give The Broken Bounty its due.

For the time being, I'm polishing it up, tying over loose ends, changing things for clarity and checking the punctuation. Then I'll send out my query letters and wait. I'll keep y'all informed on the happenings and hopefully this journey will have a happy ending.

Thanks for being here!

Megan

Realism in the Imaginary

One of the challenges writers face is creating a story that is believable. Readers need to absorb our words and feel emotions related to our work. It can be a difficult path to navigate and often times treacherous when trying to make things "realistic."

What is "realistic"? How can anything realistic be interesting?

I ask the second question because I have experience listening in on conversations and observing humans in the world. I have been present at social gatherings and public spaces. On one particular noteworthy night, I sat on a concrete wall listening to music and jotting notes on the people around me. It was for a high school sociology class and my experiment was to observe what was imbibed by the people around me. From my fuzzy recollection, I recall tallying the wine and ice cream consumed by the people. I noted approximate ages and the number of people. I theorized that the music in question affected the crowd's demographic and thus, the consumables present.

While I fantasized that I was doing very important research and made my observations with sarcastic side comments, it wasn't revolutionary and frankly, if not for my ability to find humor in the mundane, it would have been quite boring.

I generally don't write stories that take place in our modern time and world because I find them yawn-inducing. That's not to say that writers don't succeed at making the mundane entertaining, but consider those stories. Are they realistic? Drama is played up. Emotions are out of control. Every sensory detail is heightened. Who experiences life that way?

I don't believe that I do. Most of my life seems to fade from my mind once the day is over. What happened yesterday? Hmm, yes, read something, ate something, read something else, ate something else, possibly saw someone. There aren't noteworthy moments at every second of the day and that's key. When you read a novel, you are getting the crucial points that need to be made. You're not getting agonizing descriptions of every meal and the MC getting ready for bed (not usually). Each scene highlights an important moment and we even skip over the things that would get tedious.

Think about Harry Potter. Sure, Hogwarts is exciting. It's a school for witchcraft and wizardry but, at the end of the day, classes are classes and we would be tired if J. K. Rowling explained each in detail. Once we've gotten a basis for classes, time just flies. It's the start of term, then it's Halloween, now it's Christmas, then they're leaving for the year. Each book is a year, but not every moment is described which is why we find it entertaining.

This topic came to my attention because I read an article about books that depict "Realistic Romances" and the writer of the article posed the same question of what does that really mean and are there any realistic romances?

From my cynical mind, no, there are not any realistic romances depicted in most literature (I can't say all because there are always exceptions). Full blown romances that stand the test of time with nary a problem are unrealistic. I do not believe they are possible. Skipping all the awkward moments - even more unlikely. We're not perfect and our relationships with others are far from perfect.

People fall in love, they get angry or jealous, they break-up, they make-up, maybe they make-out, and then possibly it falls apart again. Then the same sequence happens again. Throw marriage in there or some type of commitment. You'll still end up with problems.

Now, I'm not against romance and I do believe that relationships can last, but there are a lot of forces that prevent that from happening and it seems most aren't able to handle it. I doubt I'm capable. So while the concept of love conquers all and it being a strong force to reckon with is nice (butterflies and daisies), it does not seem realistic. End of story. Try to convince me otherwise. Actually that would be fun. If you've got a point that differs, let me know. I love constructive arguments and differing opinions. It's how we learn.

If you want to read an opinion on Realistic Romances, check out this article by Gina Barreca from Psychology Today. This was the inspiration for my post today.

Beauty of the Inspired Place

I know I've taken a bit of a hiatus. Two weeks and no posts at all, yet I imagine that most people were busy and the truth is, I was too. Busier than I expected since I'm far from everyone I know. It just goes to show you that no matter where you are, you're never alone and you don't have to be alone if you choose to engage with others. I crashed three different family gatherings and attended a few neighbor parties. It was fun and so I hope that you also had some good experiences over those last two weeks in December.

This post is going to be long and picture-filled.
This is the first picture that I want to showcase
because it shows the simple life I lived in Oxford.
I spent 4 weeks of summer there and took classes.
We traveled about on the weekends and it was wonderful.
I had so much time to think and write.

There are places that you can go and feel inspired. My theory is that different characteristics of places make them inspiring to people and that since each person is inspired by different things, many places could fill this list and they would all be correct.

However, it can generally be agreed upon that certain places are universally inspiring. Whether it's a hidden spot in nature or a bustling human metropolis, there are places that just light our imaginations on fire.

Phillip Pullman (author of His Dark Materials series) has the same inspiration as me: Oxford. In his collection of essays and speeches (Daemon Voices), he explains that just walking through the morning fog or gazing at certain buildings creates a fanciful air that inspires him. While I was in Oxford, I felt similarly inspired. There is beauty in the familiar and unfamiliar and, for me, Oxford was unfamiliar. Sure, I'd heard about it and I'd read Deborah Harkness's A Discovery of Witches, so I knew the names of some of the buildings, but I hadn't seen it or walked its streets. Being there was a whole other experience that had me daydreaming.

This is the Radcliffe Camera. It's a library and
supposedly has underground tunnels that connect
it to the Bodleian library. While you have to be a
student to enter the building, tourists can gaze at the
majestic outside and imagine its interior.